Crabs and Cream
by WeeKittyAndTAT
Summary: Edward's a 27 year old Biology teacher at Forks High School. He's responsible for teaching Sex-Ed and sharing info on the prevention of STDs, STIs and pregnancy. What happens when he doesn't practice what he preaches? When one of his star students figures out his problem, will she make his life a living hell? See what funny things unfold in this laughter filled disaster! AH/M


**All normal disclaimers apply as always. All things Twilight Saga related, belong to Stephenie Meyer, all things not Twilight related are from the demented and sick minds of Nikky and Kasi, aka: WeeKittyAndTAT.**

**Thanks to: Jess2002, Sarah, Savannavansmutsmut and Deebelle1 for finding and fixing our mistakes as well as the awesome banner made by Deebelle1.**

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**Crabs and Cream**

I wake up and roll over in bed. I freeze seeing that I'm not alone. As I look at the blond hair, I know that it's my soon to be ex, Tanya. I close my eyes thinking back to last night. Emmett and I were out and I remember that Tanya came over to us. I explained we were have a guy's night out and she seemed fine and went off to join her friends.

I told Emmett that I was planning on splitting up with her, we hadn't had sex in a month and didn't see me go anywhere near that disaster again. It was wrong to drag things out. After a few shots, Emmett thought it was a great idea to take her home with me, give her the things she's left here and ending it then and there. I did too, but when we got here, I told her that we were done, she started to cry, which made me feel guilty and the next thing I know we were having sex.

Fuck we didn't use anything!

I rub my face trying not to panic. I rerun through last night's fumbling and let out a sigh knowing that she can't get pregnant for what we did.

I jump out of bed as Tanya smiles at me. "Come back to bed, Eddie."

I close my eyes knowing there's no point in telling her, yet AGAIN, that I don't like the name Eddie.

"Tanya, I'm sorry, but I meant what I told you last night. You're a nice girl and all, but there's no spark between us. I'm sorry that I let things get as far as I did last night, it never should've happened."

Tanya glares at me, "No, what? Who needs a spark when we can light a fire with how hot our sex is?"

I shake my head her. "Tanya, I want more than a good fuck, and you're the only one of us that has the opinion that we're good at that together."

Tanya springs out of bed. "WHAT! I am more than a good fuck, and I know I am. It's the one thing I know that I get a fucking A-triple-plus in! There is no one better than me at fucking."

I look at her before speaking again. "Tanya, I've got to take a shower and get ready for class. I meant what I said, we're done. I'm sure you'll find someone—that like you—likes you for your _"fucking"_ skills."

Tanya huffs while pulling on her clothes. "Oh, I will and then you'll be sorry." She picks up her bag, flips me the finger and walks out of my apartment.

I head in and shower, get dressed and head to school. It doesn't take me long to set up my Sex Education Class and I wait for my students to come in.

"Please remember that nothing is a complete certainty, so when you choose to have sex, there is a chance the girl can get pregnant or you can get an STD or STI. One in four teenagers have or carry an STD or STI." I scan the room seeing that there is a hand raised as I look at the person who has their head stuck in a book. I know that it's none other than Miss Swan, Bella.

I smile at her "Yes, Bella, do you have something to add?"

She puts the book down and looks at me. "You're wrong. There is one, well actually two things that would stop both pregnancy, STDs and STIs."

I raise my eyebrow at her. "Really, would you like to share your information with the class? I for one would love to know what it is, I could make millions."

The class chuckles at my comment, but Bella rises to my challenge. She sits up straight in her chair and goes on. "I don't think these options would make you money. But a sure fire way to stay safe is keeping your legs shut and saying NO. At least until you know the person has been checked out, when talking about STDs and STIs." The whole class is being loud as they laugh and Bella rolls her eyes at them and goes back to her book.

"Bella brings up a very solid and good point. If you chose to have sex with someone then, think about getting yourself and them checked out first." The class groans and I give them a smile. "Okay, class, that's it for today, in the next class, I want you all to have written about five STDs or STIs and the signs, symptoms, and how they are treated." Again the class groans out.

"Sir, can we do it in groups?"

I look up at Mike, I'm about to answer him, when Bella speaks. "Mike, were you not paying attention to the class? Mr. Cullen wasn't promoting meaningless sex with a lot of men and women. Sometimes it is safer to do things alone. No group sex, and just maybe you should think about satisfying one person for now, you know, before joining a group!"

Mike looks at Bella and pales more likely thinking about the words he used. He quickly picks up his bag and runs out of class. I shake my head and set up for the next class. I love being a teacher, but hate the fact that as I am the school biology teacher, I have to do a week every three months for sex education. At the end of the day, I pack up and leave.

It's been six days since I broke up with Tanya. She has called and texted me daily acting like we're still a couple. I'm hoping if I don't return the calls she'll get bored and move on. I'm shopping in my local supermarket and I make my way to the checkout and see Bella there.

"Hello, Bella, I didn't know you worked here." Bella starts to scan my items through.

"I've worked here for five months now and just got promoted this week toa checker position." I nod my head and give her a smile.

"Eddie, there you are, baby." I turn to see Tanya walking my way, and I let out a groan. "I have been calling you, I need you. I am scared I can't take the test by myself I need you there."

I look at her frowning. "What test, Tanya?"

Tanya lets out a few sniffs before putting a pregnancy test in front of me. My eyes widen and I look to Bella who seems to be trying hard not to look at Tanya and me.

"I know that it is going to be positive, I can feel our baby inside of me. I knew when we were fucking last week that this would happen."

I swallow and close my eyes. "Tanya you can't get pregnant from what we did," I say as quietly as I can to her.

"What, Eddie, of course you can get pregnant from bum back door sex."

I hear a faint snigger and glance at Bella who now looks bright red.

"Tanya, you CAN'T get pregnant from anal sex," I say softly to her she glares at me.

"What about the other thing, I swallowed everything you gave me."

I shake my head slap my face at how stupid Tanya can truly be. "No, you can't get pregnant that way either. Tanya we've not had vaginal intercourse in almost three months, you had two cycles since then. I know this through your willingness to share every detail of your life with me. You are pregnant wouldn't be through my doing."

Tanya pouts. "We can go home and make a baby, please, Eddie, I miss our hot fucking. I loved how you get down and dirty, spanking me and tying me up."

I look to Tanya in shock. "TANYA! There are other people around that don't need to hear that."

Tanya huffs looking around and her eyes land on Bella, who smiles back at her. "What, there's just the chiefs daughter. You don't understand what I am saying, do you?" Tanya asks slowly to Bella, like Bella is unable to comprehend.

"Strangely enough, I can understand every word you said. The mere fact that anyone can understand and follow your thinking is an outright miracle from God though."

Tanya grins at Bella before turning back to me. "See, I told you."

"Tanya, we are through, we've been over for a week now, please stop this." I move away from her and look at Bella.

"That's one hundred and seven dollars and fifty-five cents."

I hand over a hundred and twenty to her. "Keep the change, Bella." I pick up my shopping bags, which Bella packed when Tanya was talking to me and head to my car. I'm thankful that it's the weekend and I have three days before I will see Bella in my classroom again.

It's Monday and I'm back in to teaching my biology class. I have been feeling a little itchy today, and have spent a lot of time rubbing my genital area. As soon as class is out, I decide to get myself checked out. Feeling embarrassed, I head to the Community Health Clinic in Port Angeles. After they have taken blood and urine samples, the doctor looks me over. She takes me into her office.

"Mr. Masen," she says and I smirk to myself, since I used my mother's maiden name to be seen, "you have pubic lice. I'm going to give you a prescription for some cream to use. Could you please inform all people who you've had close body contact with?"

I give her a quick nod and take the prescription from her. "The rest of the results won't be in until Wednesday, please call back then. It's also advisable to get yourself rechecked in three months, and again three months after that."

I put on a fake smile nodding my head. "Thank you, doctor." I feel myself getting angry about the fact Tanya has given me crabs. Fuck, how many people has she slept with? I'm disgusted by the thought of how many people this outbreak will most likely reach. Thank fuck I dumped her ass when I did, what a dirty skank. I just pray that I haven't gotten anything else from her.

I head to the pharmacy and get my medication. I'm too busy reading it, that I don't notice my surroundings. I walk right into someone dropping my cream to the floor. A pale hand shoots out and picks it up before I can.

"Oh, yum, cream for crabs, that sounds lovely. I bet it's not but ..." I groan seeing Bella standing in front of me with my cream in her hands.

"Eh, thanks."

I watch as Bella's face lights up.

"So, Teach, you don't practice what you preach?" The whole time she's speaking she has a smile on her face.

"Ha, ha, can we pretend that you didn't see this or heard what you heard at work the other day?"

Bella shakes her head at me. "Nope, no way, this is too good." I let out a groan and look sadly at her. She rolls her eyes. "Do you want to know how women get rid of crabs?" Not giving me the chance to answer she speaks again. "We shave one side, and light the other side on fire and as they run out we beat them with sticks."

I chuckle a little shaking my head at her. "So funny, thanks, Miss Swan."

"Hey, you gotta laugh, or else you'll cry. Seriously though, you really should shave it all off. It'll be the fastest way to get rid of them. You could get a SUNGA!"

I put the cream away and start walking out with Bella walking next to me. "There's no way I am getting a male version of the Brazilian wax."

Bella looks at my face and laughs. "Why not, us women have to do it to please you males?"

I shake my head at her. "I'd never ask a girl to do that!"

Bella just raises her eyebrow at me. "Yes, and look what happened to you." I look down at her and she shrugs her shoulders at me. "I could do it for you. I trained during the summer, and since I already know, there wouldn't be any need for you to be embarrassed about it."

I stop and turn Bella to face me. "Yeah, because why would I be embarrassed about my student seeing my bits!"

Bella looks me up and down. "Oh, do you have two!" I look at her puzzled. "Oh only one ball, or are you really small?"

I pull her toward me. "No, Bella, I'm far from small, and I still have both of my balls."

Bella frowns at me. "Edward, you guys are so sensitive to jokes about size stuff. I'll have you know, that even if you were small, or had only one ball, there would still be nothing to be ashamed of. I've done this before for a few guys and well once you saw like ten of them, the novelty wears off. No spa will take you, with crabs. This is a fastest way to treat them, and it should help you with the itching. Think about it. I have a load of stuff in my house. I could come to your place and wax you. If I do it, that means I would need to keep my mouth shut about your crab problem."

I glare at her. "Are you trying to blackmail me?"

Bella looks taken back by my question. "What? I would never! I was just saying if I were to wax you it'd be a sure way to keep my lips locked up. I've never been one to talk in the locker rooms anyway."

I step toward her and she holds up her hand. "I was kidding, later, Teach." I watch her walk over to her truck waving at me once she's inside it.

It's been two days and I have not stopped itching. I had to call in sick for work because of it. After my fourth bath for the day I give up and call Bella.

"Hello," she says. I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself so I can talk to her. "Hey, deep breather, you know prank calls are not very nice. Oh, I should add that you should see a doctor about your breathing, it doesn't sound good!"

I chuckle looking at my cell.

"Mr. Cullen?" I let out a sigh.

"So you didn't know it was me through the breathing, but you did know my laugh?"

"You have a very distinctive laugh." I sit down on my chair with my hands under me so I can stop myself from scratching again.

"I do?"

I hear her laugh. "Yes, you do."

I smile and as the itching gets worse I remember why I called. "Bella, you swear you've done waxing before?" I grip my hair knowing I'm about to cross a huge fuck line.

"Yes, they trained me over the summer and I was able to do a few clients."

I swallow. "Please, don't tell anyone, Bella, this won't look good and I'm not talking about my problem."

"You worry too much. Give me your address and I'll come over."

I give her my address and wait for her. It doesn't take long for a light knock at the door. I open it and take the large bag for her as she keeps the smaller one. "Come in Bella." Bella gives me another one of her smiles and walks in.

"Wow, this is really a nice place you have here, Mr. Cullen."

I frown at her calling me Mr. Cullen, but it makes me remember that she's a student in my class. "Please, call me Edward, Bella. At least here."

Bella looks at me and nods her head. "Okay, where do you want to do this?"

I rub my face as I feel myself begin to panic. "This was a mistake, fuck I'm going to lose my job. This is my first teaching job." I groan as I start to feel itchy again. I rub my pants in the area hoping it will help.

"Hey, don't do that." I feel Bella pull my hand away.

"We're not about to have sex, Edward. I'm giving you a wax. If it makes you feel better, we can go to the spa and I can do it there. But Maria may ask to watch my work. I didn't suggest this to you, because she hangs around with Tanya. Even if we were to have sex, I'm eighteen and only have three more months of school to go. So just take a few deep breaths and relax, but stop itching."

I look at her and frown at how relaxed she's being with all of this. I close my eyes calming myself. "I'm sorry, thank you." Bella nods her head at me. "This way is my bedroom. It'll be the best place, I think?"

Bella waves her hand in front of us. "Lead the way." I walk a little in front of her and feel a little nervous about her seeing my room. "Edward, you will need to open the door. I'm not a ghost. I can't walk through it."

I open the door and stand back letting Bella go first. "Okay, I think we should start with your chest and under your arm hair first." I look at her and nod my head.

I remove my shirt and stand watching Bella as she sets up the folding work table. As soon as it's up, she wipes it clean and puts a paper cloth over it.

"Okay I need to heat up the wax. It shouldn't take too long, why don't you sit here and calm yourself."

I sit on the bed and watch Bella get all her stuff ready. "Hope you got rid of everything she touched, like bedding?" Bella says as she points to my bed.

I nod my head. "I even bought a new mattress."

Bella shakes her head. "I really don't get why you went there."

I frown, looking back at her. "I met her a year ago when I first came here. I didn't really know anyone. It was five months later when I asked her out, seem she a bit ... well stupid, but she seemed like a nice girl. Anyway, the last three months have not been so good. I was planning to end things, but well you know what happened."

"But you're what, twenty-six, twenty-seven?"

I look at her nodding my head. "Twenty-six and a half will be twenty-seven in five months." Bella taps my shoulder pushing me down a little.

"Your, twenty-six, and a smart, good looking guy, so why did you not have the pick of the girls or was Tanya the best of the bunch?" Bella puts the wax on to my chest as she speaks.

I look up at her. "No, I don't really know. I had bumped into her a few times." I shrug my shudders.

"That's because she was stalking you."

I chuckle before reaching out and moving Bella's hair back behind her shoulder. "Maybe," I say lightly.

"You ready for this?" I shake my head at her.

"Too bad, so go on three, one ... two ..."

I grab a hold of Bella's hand looking at her. "Is that, one, two, three and then you pull it off or one, two and pull as you say three?"

"I was going for one, two and pull on three." I nod my head at her, but don't let go of her hand. "Come on, you big baby, it's really not that bad. Women just pretend so guys would feel bad and buy them shit."

I look at Bella and she nods her head. I let go for her hand and again she counts to three. She pulls the tape off on three, and the fucking little minx lied, because that shit HURT! "Holy fuck!" I yelp, rubbing the area. I glare at Bella as she laughs.

"That's not funny, Bella. I can't believe you lied to me."

"I was only giving you some false hope. I though some mind over matter might work." I glare at her, but I soften my look when she starts to bite her lip. I lay back down and Bella does the next strip. Only this time she blows on to the area and I start to feel myself get hard. I begin to try and put other thoughts in my head.

As I watch, I notice how beautiful she is. It's strange that in the year I have been her teacher, I never noticed her natural beauty before. After my chest is done it takes a little more time to do my arm pits due to me being ticklish there. The only place left is in my lower regions.

I close my eyes. "Bella, are you sure about this? I mean I'm still your teacher. I don't want you uncomfortable in class."

Bella waves her hand at me. "I swear it'll be fine, drop them. Do you want some music?" At that she start humming a stripper song.

I shake my head at her and begin to take off my pants. "NO!" she says loudly, "that's too fast, you need to work it, baby!"

I stop and raise my eyebrows at her, but she just carries on humming.

I push down my boxers and Bella's eyes go wide and her mouth open's. "Fuck, I knew this was a bad idea." I go to pick up my boxers.

"What, no, I just don't think I've ever seen any ... so big ... I mean you're really big." Her eyes land on mine.

"Just forget this, please, Bella."

Bella holds up her hand. "Lay down, Edward. Just forget the little lapse in my professionalism."

I look at her and she taps the table. I sit down and Bella begins to work again. I try keeping images of Emmett's hairy ass, or dead puppies in my head. Anything really that will help me to stop being so turned on. Nothing is really working, since she keeps touching my cock.

After she pulls the first tape she again blows in the area, and my cock twitches at full alert.

"Ah, maybe I shouldn't blow that area?" I watch Bella's face get red. "Not that I'm giving you a blow ... shit, um, I think we should just move on and I will fan the part after taking off the tape." Bella removes the next tape and fans it with her hand, which just makes my cock get harder. It's almost as if my cock is chasing her hand back and forth.

"Eh, Edward, I think I may have hurt you. There seems to be some milky looking stuff coming out of your cock ... I mean penis."

I clasp both my hands over my face running them up through my hair. "It's fine, I'm fine, please don't ask me about it or talk about this, please?"

Bella looks at me and nods her head. She holds up her hand. "Wait, is that ... I mean, is that what is called pre-cum?"

I sit up and go to move off the table bed.

"Lay back down, I'm almost done. Besides I will take that as a confirmation. It's fine, I do know that _they,_" Bella waves her hand at my cock, "don't always act the way we ... not me, but you men want them to."

It takes Bella another five minutes before she is done, as she's been here most of the day. I offer to order dinner in for her as a thank you.

"So what did Tanya say when you told her?"

I stop eating and look at Bella. "I haven't spoken to Tanya since the day in the supermarket."

Bella frowns at me. "Edward, you have to tell her."

I shake my head. "No, I don't, she should've known that she had something. God the itching was so bad, and I must say your plan about the waxing seems to have paid off."

Bella smiles at me, but it changes into almost an evil grin. "I say you tell Tanya and also give her a little tip."

I frown at Bella knowing there's more to her words than what she's saying.

I don't know how Bella talked me into doing this. I close my eyes trying to take deep breaths. As I open them again, I watch Tanya walking toward my table. I look to the table in front to see Bella looking as if she is reading.

"I knew you would want me back, Eddie," Tanya say's in a smug voice.

I sigh standing up, always the gentleman. "Please sit down." I sit across from her as she bats her eyes at me.

"I know you slept around when you were with me," I tell her.

The smile drops from her face as she looks around. "Sam's only lying, he's been trying to get me into bed for months."

I shake my head at her. "Not Sam."

"Paul?" Again I shake my head. "Mat, Arthur, Pete?" I hold up my hand as she says more guy names. The more names of guys she says, the madder I get.

"No, you passed on an STD—STI to me."

Tanya mumbles under breath. "I gave you a lot of sugar treats desired—sugar treats inside—Eddie, but that isn't a bad thing."

I look at Tanya as I hear a faint laugh from Bella. "No, Tanya, an STD—STI is a sexually transmitted disease or sexually transmitted infection. You gave me pubic lice, otherwise known as crabs, and not the ones that you eat!"

Tanya begins shaking her head. "Tanya, this is serious, I brought you some cream, but the best way to get rid of them, is to remove all of your hair." Tanya looks at me and I sit up and take off the hat I had on.

This morning Bella came over with a cap she spent over an hour putting it on me, and touching it up to make me look like I have shaved off all of my hair, including off my head.

Tanya's hand stretches out to touch my head and I pull back. "Wow, Eddie," I quickly put on my hat again.

"Tanya, here I booked you an appointment to get your hair shaved off, and a full body wax."

Tanya takes the card seeing it's for today and nods her head.

"Tanya, get waxed and shaved and use the cream. Make sure you boil your bedding and get an appointment with your doctor."

"Eddie, are you sure about this?"

I nod my head at her. "Have or were you itching in the past few months, you know, down below?"

"That just my washing powder, Eddie,"

I look at her. "Have you had any black stuff in you panties?" Again she huffs and nods her head.

"Okay, that is signs of public lice."

"After I do this can we meet again? I'll give up the other guys, unless it's all right with you to keep one or two? It's just I have really high sex drive and well, I even went to addiction to sex classes, but ended up sleeping with half the class, during class time."

Bella almost falls out of her chair and Tanya looks her way. "Watch it, kid, do you know who I am?"

Bella stands up and wipes the coffee that she spilled on herself. "Yeah, I know who you are. I just don't give a fuck."

Tanya's face drops "Why, you little madam, wait until I tell the chief how you spoke to me."

Bella shrugs her shoulders. "Yeah, whatever, I'd be more worried if you knew his work address or even his phone number."

Tanya laughs. "That's where you're wrong little girl, it nine-eleven ... or is it eleven-nine? Anyway one of them." Bella just nods her head at Tanya, clearly speechless. "Lucky for you, little girl, that I have a day booked at a spa. Later Eddie, as soon as I'm better, I'll call you."

"So you dated her because she's hot and you were desperate?"

I look down at Bella in shock, but close my eyes knowing that it's exactly why I did date her. "She was always okay with me calling her up when I needed ... you know?"

Bella looks at me in shock, as she picks up her book. "So, she was more or less just a booty call? You're a sick man, I almost feel sorry for her. Well I would too if she was not fucking nearly every guy she comes into contact with. But I must ask, is she really as stupid as she sounds and acts?"

I go to shake my head, but as Bella raises her eyebrow at me and I nod.

"Look, it was six months that we dated and I stopped calling her about six weeks before we broke up. I can't change the past Bella. No matter how much I want too, I fucked up, really fucked up, dating her."

Bella pulls out a chair. "Sit, I really need to take this off. Who would've thought that your hair is the key to you looking and being sexy?"

I chuckle as Bella takes off the cap. "Okay, we better head out or we'll miss Tanya getting her head shaved." I nod my head and take a hold of Bella's hand as we run down the street.

As I watch Tanya through the window, I notice that she is crying, as she strokes her hair. I start to feel guilty about misleading her.

"Fuck, I need to tell her that she doesn't need to shave her head." I walk away from Bella only for her to jump on to my back.

"Bella," I say gripping her legs.

I turn my head to see her peeking round at me. "No don't Bella me, she sleeps with half the town and a few other towns too. You're lucky that all she passed on to you was crabs, what if it was AIDS? I mean really, that shit kills people."

I rub my thumb across her leg. "Yeah, but this is a bit cruel, she's about to shave off all of her hair."

Bella shakes her head at me. "No, it's not, her hair will grow back. You could've gotten anything from her. You may still have something, you need to be checked two more times."

I frown at how upset Bella seem to be over this. "Bella, talk to me, tell me what this is about?"

Bella shakes her head at me. "You know when you came here and I saw you in class, I thought you were sexiest guy alive. And as you taught me through the months, I developed a huge crush on you."

I look at her in shock as her face pales. I know she didn't mean to tell me that. "You have, or had, a crush on me?"

Bella looks at me then away. "If you're going to stop her, you better get over there." Bella makes a move to get down from my back, but I pull her leg with one arm and grab a hold of her hand with the other stopping her movement.

"No, as you said, her hair will grow back. Bella, you have or had, a crush on me?"

Bella swallows. "I may actually have a small teenaged crush on you."

I let her down, but keep a hold of her arm as I turn to face her. I push her hair out of her face. "Why did you get overly upset about what Tanya did?" Bella looks down and then away from me. "Please let me in?" I stand close to her tilting her head up.

She shrugs her shoulders. "I worked in a clinic for teens that had HIV and some other STDs and STIs. Charlie thought it would be a good way to teach me about STDs and STIs. You know the player that thought he was God's gift, and it wouldn't happen to him? He got genital herpes. It was an eye opener, I tell you.

"One girl slept with her crush. He was the cutest guy in her school, you know, the guy every girl wanted. He gave her AIDs and she ended up killing herself. It was the bullying, they said it couldn't have been the golden boy of the school. But two months after her death the entire school learned that he had had it since birth, obviously his parents knew, but they allowed that girl to become his victim," she sighs and I can tell this conversation is taking a toll on her, but she presses on.

"Tanya's just like them, she would blame this on you, she more than likely will. But her losing her hair is a small price to pay if you ask me for what she could have given you."

I nod my head at Bella and look over to Tanya seeing the woman is about to start cutting her hair.

"Let's go, we don't need to watch this," I say pulling Bella's hand to my lips and placing a soft kiss on it.

It's been a week and I've still been spending time out of school hours with Bella. I have found myself enjoying her company and even find her sexually attractive. There is a large part of me looking forward to the end of the school year, because the second she throws her hat in the air, I plan to ask her out on a real date. Right now we're walking back to my car after spending the day shopping.

"Oh, crap, watch out, incoming at six o'clock." I frown at Bella as she dives into a door way.

"Eddie!" I look at Bella as she places her finger on her mouth. I turn looking back at Tanya. My eyes go to her head, and I know my face has gone into shock. Tanya has the weirdest shaped head, and it's really shiny.

"Wow, Eddie, your hair grows really fast. It's almost like you never got it cut." Bella sniggers and I place my hand over her mouth.

"Tanya, I'm busy, is there something you want?" I move my eyes to look at Bella, who is trying to fuck my hand with her tongue. I move it away wiping my hand on her top before placing it at her neck.

"None of my guys want me anymore. The doctor that saw me said I must tell them about my problem or he would call the authorities on me," Tanya says in a small voice.

"I'm sorry to hear that Tanya, but there's nothing I can do for you, I'm seeing someone else." Bella gasps and I begin to stroke her neck hoping she knows that I'm talking about her.

"What, you can't have!"

I smile at Tanya. "I have and she's amazingly smart and funny." Again I turn my head a little looking into Bella eyes. "She's kind and so beautiful. When the time is right, I hope she gives me a chance to prove myself to her. So I can show her that I am more than what she's seen over the past few weeks." Bella nods her head at me as she places her hand over mine.

Tanya again huffs. "Whatever!"

As soon as Tanya's out of sight, I look into Bella eyes. "You'll really give me a chance? I mean we can't do anything, until you're done with school. But would you like to be my girlfriend?"

Bella nods her head. "I would like that, and there's only six weeks left, it gives us a chance to really get to know each other."

It's been four months and Bella and I have been dating for two of those. At first people were a little surprised, but with the Chief of police in our corner saying that we only started a relationship after Bella left school, everyone pretty much shut up.

Not that the whole matter didn't stop him from threatening to kill me if I hurt his baby girl. But he knew that Bella had feelings for me and if he stood in the way he was more than likely going to lose her. This way if I fucked up, which I won't, he can still be there for her.

We haven't had sex yet, and I'm really okay with that. I didn't want to move too fast and I know Bella has strong opinions on sex. I've just gotten my six months clean and clear from the clinic. I'm glad that it's over and I am completely healthy.

Bella is going to a local college that is only forty minute drive. She stays in a nearby dorm, but spends all her weekends with me.

"So, you ready for your special dinner?" I grin as Bella walks over to me with two plates in her hand. "Here we are, Angel hair pasta, with crabs and a nice creamy Alfredo sauce."

I look at the plate, then at Bella.

"What? This was on sale, and I thought if tonight's the night, then we should have a remembrance of what brought us together. I mean, I wasn't keen on the idea of inviting Tanya here."

I swallow looking at her, finally letting her words register. "Baby, are you sure? There's no rush. I love you, and will wait for you." Bella moves off her seat and sits on my lap.

"I love you too, and I am so ready."

We start to kiss and I pick her up so I can carry her to my room. "Edward, grab the box of condoms from the counter. You gotta cover your stump before we hump!"

**~THE END~**

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this and got a laugh or two. We felt it important to make sure that even though this was a funny story, we wanted to provide factual info as well. Please read and review. If you're not interested in learning the facts the below info is not for you. Be safe and be aware. **

**Nikky & Kasi~**

Here is a fact sheet on STDs/STIs.

**Types of STIs-STDs**

A Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) is a sickness that is passed on from one person to another during sexual activity. There are many different types of STIs that can be passed on during oral sex, vaginal sex or anal sex. Some can even be passed on by skin-to-skin genital contact. It is important to treat STIs as soon as possible and not to spread them. Many can easily be cured, but if an STI is left untreated, it may cause other complications in the body. Some types of STIs can cause infertility or even death.

STIs can be grouped into three families: Viral, Bacterial, and Parasitic/Fungal

**Viral Infections**

Viral STIs are caused by viruses passed from person-to-person during sexual activity. In general viral infections involve many different parts of the body at the same time.

**Human Papilloma Virus (HPV): **The human papilloma virus or HPV is the most common viral infection. There are over 30 types of HPV that are sexually transmitted through oral, anal or vaginal sex.

**Genital Herpes: **Genital Herpes is caused by the Herpes Simplex Virus. It is in the same family of viruses that cause cold sores around the mouth. The virus is transmitted by sexual activities or skin-to-skin contact.

**Hepatitis B Virus:** Hepatitis B or Hep B, affects the liver. It is not to be mistaken with Hepatitis A or C, which are other forms of liver disease. Hepatitis B is easily transmitted not only through sexual activities, but by sharing items like razors, needles and toothbrushes.

**Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV):** Human Immunodeficiency virus or HIV/Aids attacks the body's immune system, leaving infected individuals unable to fight off other illness. It is transmitted through sexual activities, but also spread by sharing items like razors, needles and toothbrushes. It is not spread by hugging, shaking hands and other casual contact.

**Bacterial Infections**

Bacterial STIs are caused by bacteria passed from person-to-person during sexual activity.

**Chlamydia:** Chlamydia is one of the most common STIs especially among people ages 15 to 24. If left untreated it can cause infertility in both women and men.

**Gonorrhea ("the clap"):** Gonorrhea is an infection that often is transmitted at the same time as Chlamydia and shares the same symptoms. It is found most commonly in people aged 15 to 29. If left untreated it can cause infertility in both women and men.

**Syphilis ("the great imitator"):** Syphilis is called the great imitator because it shows signs that other diseases show. There are three stages of Syphillis. Stage 1 starts with a small painless sore where the bacteria entered the body. In stage two, a person may develop a general feeling of being unwell or flat smooth warts in the genital area. In stage three, syphilis that has been left untreated can cause heart problems, mental issues, and even death.

**Parasitic Infections**

These STIs are caused by parasites passed from person-to-person during sexual activity. A parasite is a creature that lives off another beings body. Think of a parasite as a little bug that lives off a human but cannot always be seen by the naked eye.

**Trichomoniasis (Trich):** This single-celled organism can infect the urethra, bladder, vagina, cervix or get under the foreskin. It can be transmitted through sexual activity and by sharing sex toys.

**Pubic Lice (Crabs):** Pubic lice are also called crabs, because that's what they look like under a microscope. Public Lice live in pubic hairs around the genitals. They lay eggs at the base of the hair.

**Scabies (Mites):** Scabies are tiny mites that dig little holes below the surface of the skin where they lay eggs.

**Fungal Infections**

While not technically STIs, this infection can be passed through sexual contact in rare circumstances.

**Yeast Infection (Candida):** A vaginal yeast infection is a common fungal infection caused by overgrowth of Candida, naturally occurring yeast. Yeast is normally found in a woman's vagina in small numbers, but sometimes they can multiply and change the normal balance of bacterial growth. When the fungi begin to grow in excess, they may develop into candidiasis.


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